Seven Steps to Managing Anger

anger management

[vc_row][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_gallery type=”flexslider_slide” interval=”3″ images=”14317″ img_size=”full” css_animation=”bounceInLeft”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”3/4″][vc_column_text]Step 1: Self-control

  • Talk to yourself silently to regain composure. Never attempt to resolve any issue whilst you are angry; you can’t think clearly when you’re angry
  • Concentrate on your breathing by attempting to slow it down
  • Count up to 20
  • Be willing to call a time-out if you’re feeling overwhelmed. You can’t be your best in communicating with others if you’re too agitated
  • Make sure that your conversation is not public
  • If you start feeling too overwhelmed by any situation, consider devoting yourself to more listening and less talking

Step 2:  Establish the rules of engagement

Define the conditions under which you are willing to engage in conversation. For example, this might involve having the other person:

  • Sit rather than stand over you
  • Maintain a reasonable tone of voice instead of yelling
  • Stay focused on the problem and not indulge in personal attacks
  • Express their concerns without interruption in return for letting you express your concerns without interruption
  • Work toward a process to deal with issues rather than just rehashing them

Step 3:  Allow the other person to vent

  • Maintain good eye contact. This will help defuse the anger
  • Angry people are often unable to hear what others are saying unless they feel listened to
  • You don’t have to agree with the other person to allow them to vent

Step 4: Legitimise feelings, especially the other person’s anger (whether or not it’s logical)

  • Acknowledge their anger without blaming or judging, such as, “I can see you feel strongly about…”
  • Accept that emotions are not intended to be rational or logical

Step 5: Use active listening to fully understand the other person; paraphrase your understanding

For example, you may say “It sounds like what you’re saying is that…”

  • Make sure that when paraphrasing, you’re using your own words versus parroting others
  • Ask clarifying questions
  • Avoid interrogations

Step 6:  Employ non defensive language

  • Use “I” statements versus “you” language
  • By avoiding “you” language, you will minimise the likelihood of defensiveness in others. For example, you may say, “I don’t understand what you just said,” versus “You’re not talking clearly.”
  • Don’t argue. People rarely change their behaviour or attitudes based on the merits of your argument. Arguing leads to defensiveness and limited long-term benefits

Step 7: Call a cease-fire

  • As a last resort, delay a meeting to a more appropriate time by calling a “cease-fire.” This will give you and the other person more time to sort things out
  • It will also buy you more time to regain your composure and organise your thoughts
  • Do not attempt to shortcut the process if more than one meeting is needed

Discover more by attending one of our Leadership and Management courses.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]